I shouldn't have done two all-nighters in a row. That wasn't very mature of me and now I took an entire day and did absolutely nothing but lay around and sleep because of how tired those all-nighters made me.
So not the move.
10/10 wouldn't recommend.
It also didn't help that I didn't feel inspired to do work today. I sorta kinda did in the evening but then I thought, "No...no...If I work now I won't stop and then I would pull another all-nighter and the cycle continues."
I used to be able to wake up at 6am or so and that felt great because it felt like I had more of a say so in how I carried out my day. I want that back. It's a powerful feeling when my body can wake up without an alarm because it's fully rested and ready to do things. It's not fun when your body wakes up because it has to, especially when it's still not fully rejuvenated because you made previous poor decisions.
Anyway. I won't beat myself over this. I'll try again tomorrow (today?). I have to keep up my momentum. I can't fall into the dangerous swings of last year when I had my days of not doing anything--not because I was tired but because I felt numb and sad. Depressed is the right word but--y'know.
I think it's safe to say that my recent "off" day was more of a "My body is tired and needs to chill out" kind of deal than a depressive episode kind of deal (which hasn't happened in a good minute). But I think after having it there's always this concern that one day it'll rear it's ugly head again and pull you under.
I try not to think about it though.
I take it as a...sort of typical thing creatives have to fight on a daily basis. Create or fall to its whim. Not creating is not an option. You're sadder when you're not doing art than when you are doing it. Even if you don't feel like doing it, you're lying. Express yourself. Some way, somehow. Keep going. You got this.
That mantra helps even though I get nervous on days like this--even though I know better. This listlessness is different than when I was ill.
I'll make up for today. Gots to! I have many of things planned and I refuse to slow down. Gotta keep going!